Experiencing Resentment – How to Release It

Holding onto resentment can be so unhealthy. These feelings can affect our lives in a unpleasant manner. I am going to give you guys my advise on releasing those feelings through my own experience.

I am about to get real personal as I take you on a quick emotional journey.  I am a bit embarrassed to share some of this, but I’m opening up so you all can relate if you endure resentment of any kind.  My purpose is to make you realize that when your feeling badly hurt you know you can heal.  I share this to help everyone stay positive when they feel lost. Or when your down you will see things do get better.  I promise you.  Most of my posts are funny, but there is a time to be non humorous and it is now.

Recently I have experienced a great deal of resentment.  After my divorce I was going through a terrible time emotionally. I wondered if I could even allow myself to love again.  This was a 15 year relationship I was trying to get past. My husband pulled out of the marriage, but my heart was still very much in it as I considered marriage a life time commitment. It took almost about a year after my husband was gone, I felt like I was being rescued from a hurt, dark, confused time when a man came into my life and my heart was so warmly sparked again. I was able to feel love, express and give it once again. I thought my heart was closed to this.  My emotions were perplexed, I was caught off guard and nervous because this came rather unexpected.  Sadly,  after about two years of trying to make that relationship work we came to a very bitter ending. I was torn to pieces.   I gave him everything I could possibly think of including the idea of children as we even tried.. So when we just could not make it work I became very closed off,  highly depressed and pretty much shut down with my own internal will or desire for love.  Resentment had totally taken control over me.

As resentment consumed me I never knew I could cry so very much.  The crying was for the 10-year-old me who couldn’t understand why her father never loved her. The tears kept pouring asking why my husband abandoned me in the marriage, and they intensified as I questioned how could my last lover hurt me so much.

As I cried and cried I knew I had a ridiculously loving heart. A heart I am so proud of  because even though I have been so hurt it still remains so loving and pure.  I called to God. I knew God was by my side giving me strength.  Part of my strength is knowing what my tears tell me.. My tears show me I am a wonderful, caring woman.  A woman who loved so much her heart was able to carry scars.  If I never loved or cared I would not have these tears along with these feelings. I was so hurt rethinking and replaying …how could  these men be so mean.  Lies, betrayal and deceit, these men lost their concept of morality.. But their actions are not in my control.   I knew these men were lying and it hurt so very much!! I could not cope with it. I knew with both of those relationships I had to let go.  I was being severely trampled on and no one should be treated this way.  They mistook my kind heart for being weak,  took me for granted, did whatever they wanted for their own benefit while disregarding me as a loving woman by their side. (this abuse is another whole separate topic to touch one day)  I knew that I would hurt without them, but I was hurting so much with them.  None of that was easy for me. Many nights I prayed for my tears to lessen. I cry about my pain as well as these people.  I have learned to forgive most people for the hurts they inflicted as holding that in doesn’t hurt anyone but myself.  I know that God will deal with those people especially if they do not make right their wrongs with the ones they hurt.  God will ask them “why”?  I am talking about anyone on earth that wrongs others. I am not  just talking specifically my past relationships, although I am sure the same will apply. I prayed for my heart to seek forgiveness. Do not get me wrong forgiveness is not a sign of weakness.  Because you forgive does not mean your condoning the other persons actions. It is a way to close a door.  It makes you the better person.  I know I have hurt no one and when it is my time I will go out from this earth very proud of who I am!

crying 2

Crying is the souls proof your heart is amazing

I am very intuitive and feel I have somewhat of a sixth sense. Often I connect to others like myself. In the event I feel that the connection is choppy and some people need me in their lives for healing or guidance I believe God puts me there for a reason.  Could it be I have helped these men? I know I have in many ways. I have always had that kind of helping personality, but it has become more prevalent as time moves on.  So here I am placed to share my great healing message to all of you suffering from being hurt and carrying these powerful emotions of resentment.  I know it’s not easy, but hang in there time will heal most.  Very importantly I want you to express yourself  in full, love yourself, gain strength and confidence.  Talk about your feelings to friends.  Know that it ‘s ok to be hurt. It shows your a loving person. Love yourself for it!  Let your wounds turn to proud scars.  Embrace that your stronger for what you have went through. Take everything as a learning experience.

bible 1

Praying and giving all my stress to the lord. Asking to help me forgive the ones who have really hurt me deeply. Keep my heart so loving, how it was ultimately made

me and jason 2

God has given me wonderful friends that help me smile everyday and amazing things happen like seeing shooting stars together:)

When we forgive we can alleviate our resentment. It can be very unhealthy to hold in resentment. It may turn to anger, negativity and you could change how you look at life.  I know the effects of resentment impacted my attitude. I had become very reserved and that’s not me. It can also affect your sleep patterns also which we all know is not healthy at all.   I am not saying that you must let go and forgive someone who hurts you as soon as it happens. There are stages of emotions you will need to allow yourself to process. You let emotions of hurt, anger,  and sadness all pass.  Its natural. Then with some passing time you must turn it to God and let it off your chest.   Or it will interrupt your life.. you won’t smile every day like you want.   Let no one take your smile! Love is the very reason we are all here.  Nothing or No one shall take that from your soul. 🙂  Love and you will be loved…

If anyone of you need me I will be here for you to express yourself… Help you to process your emotional stages and gain the strength to let go.  Feel free to comment.

xxxxxo

– R

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2 thoughts on “Experiencing Resentment – How to Release It

  1. Yes, wow, so similar to my life as well. And let me tell you one thing Rose, for whatever reason/s these 2 guys had for thinking the grass was greener on the other side, they are soooooooo wrong! I’ve known controlling women, I’ve been with rich and well to do women as well and also just starting out women as well, so I’ve been through the promised land and I was let go as well in one case I left. But, those women were searching for greener grass and one wanted me to have my own family as well, so she let me go. Broken my heart to the point I drank myself into stupidity wanted to shoot myself more then once, but being brought up in a Christian way of life, I couldn’t follow through, because you can’t get into heaven if you commit suicide, so I was stuck in my mesery as well. I bathe in it, I drank it daily, no sleep just passed out was the only way to sleep. Got detained by the police for climbing up a 2 story apt building to get to see one of my ex’s back when I was 21 yrs old, lol so dumb. They let me go because she said I was her bf and they scolded me and it was over right then and there. Kept being depressed and angry and then went and got married only to be divorced in 1994 and have yet to fill that spot today. Can’t trust myself to let myself completely go to another person, because that pain hurts too bad. So yeah I made my life change by working 12hrs a day 6 days a week until I crushed 2 discs in my back and everything came to a screeching halt. This happened 5 years ago and they have been the hardest 5 years of my life. No more coaching soccer or little league baseball. No more playing soccer in the mens league. No more Indoor soccer as well. When you have played at the highest amatuer level and you have tasted what that was and the cheers of 70-100,000 people in a stadium, nothing ever comes close to that again. To absolutely nothing but taking meds and sleeping when you can. Shoot the first 3 years Rose I slept 45 mins at a time for 3 years! I was always angry at everything and everybody in the house in the store, it didn’t matter I just hated life and hated my situation more then anything. And then 5 years goes by and I start sleeping now 4-5hrs and it feels good. I don’t jump out of my sleep anymore and I just wake up, lol sounds normal but that was taken away from me and now I got it back. I can’t work at my old jobs anymore, but that’s ok because I’m creating my own new business here in San Diego with my Mudrun and the connections I have, cause it’s all about the connections, I have made great progress to make this happen. So as I start feeling better I met this woman on the fb and she has changed my life. She is sweet as apple pie, which I don’t eat anymore, lol. She gives me reason to take the pain and keep pushing far beyond what I would have normally done. Her smile could stop traffic in NY Times square! And to top it off she’s so kind and loving and caring for others it makes you just want to hold her up and hug her and tell her the world is brighter now because she’s in it and my world is quiet now and peaceful since she’s been in it. I can’t thank her enough for saving my life, really she did. And most of all I have never met her. If any man finds out about how wonderful this woman is, they would be the dumbest most tarded or blind or have no brain or no nerves to feel anything as wonderful and warm and as loving as she is. They would have to be a rock or a piece of cement or a wall in order not to see her. I see her, from afar and it’s enough. I will mend this broken body back up and get it righted like it used to be. Because I do like myself again and I do like the world more again and when I hit the lotto, meaning I find her and marry her, then I will love again. For now, it’s just enough.

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