My Cali journeys so far, trials, tribulations, triumphs, sex, love and pain

All of what you are about to read is a serious of non fictitious events in my life for the past several months. Everything you are about to read is all truth. Absolutely nothing is made up, even as crazy … Continue reading

Experiencing Resentment – How to Release It

Holding onto resentment can be so unhealthy. These feelings can affect our lives in a unpleasant manner. I am going to give you guys my advise on releasing those feelings through my own experience.

I am about to get real personal as I take you on a quick emotional journey.  I am a bit embarrassed to share some of this, but I’m opening up so you all can relate if you endure resentment of any kind.  My purpose is to make you realize that when your feeling badly hurt you know you can heal.  I share this to help everyone stay positive when they feel lost. Or when your down you will see things do get better.  I promise you.  Most of my posts are funny, but there is a time to be non humorous and it is now.

Recently I have experienced a great deal of resentment.  After my divorce I was going through a terrible time emotionally. I wondered if I could even allow myself to love again.  This was a 15 year relationship I was trying to get past. My husband pulled out of the marriage, but my heart was still very much in it as I considered marriage a life time commitment. It took almost about a year after my husband was gone, I felt like I was being rescued from a hurt, dark, confused time when a man came into my life and my heart was so warmly sparked again. I was able to feel love, express and give it once again. I thought my heart was closed to this.  My emotions were perplexed, I was caught off guard and nervous because this came rather unexpected.  Sadly,  after about two years of trying to make that relationship work we came to a very bitter ending. I was torn to pieces.   I gave him everything I could possibly think of including the idea of children as we even tried.. So when we just could not make it work I became very closed off,  highly depressed and pretty much shut down with my own internal will or desire for love.  Resentment had totally taken control over me.

As resentment consumed me I never knew I could cry so very much.  The crying was for the 10-year-old me who couldn’t understand why her father never loved her. The tears kept pouring asking why my husband abandoned me in the marriage, and they intensified as I questioned how could my last lover hurt me so much.

As I cried and cried I knew I had a ridiculously loving heart. A heart I am so proud of  because even though I have been so hurt it still remains so loving and pure.  I called to God. I knew God was by my side giving me strength.  Part of my strength is knowing what my tears tell me.. My tears show me I am a wonderful, caring woman.  A woman who loved so much her heart was able to carry scars.  If I never loved or cared I would not have these tears along with these feelings. I was so hurt rethinking and replaying …how could  these men be so mean.  Lies, betrayal and deceit, these men lost their concept of morality.. But their actions are not in my control.   I knew these men were lying and it hurt so very much!! I could not cope with it. I knew with both of those relationships I had to let go.  I was being severely trampled on and no one should be treated this way.  They mistook my kind heart for being weak,  took me for granted, did whatever they wanted for their own benefit while disregarding me as a loving woman by their side. (this abuse is another whole separate topic to touch one day)  I knew that I would hurt without them, but I was hurting so much with them.  None of that was easy for me. Many nights I prayed for my tears to lessen. I cry about my pain as well as these people.  I have learned to forgive most people for the hurts they inflicted as holding that in doesn’t hurt anyone but myself.  I know that God will deal with those people especially if they do not make right their wrongs with the ones they hurt.  God will ask them “why”?  I am talking about anyone on earth that wrongs others. I am not  just talking specifically my past relationships, although I am sure the same will apply. I prayed for my heart to seek forgiveness. Do not get me wrong forgiveness is not a sign of weakness.  Because you forgive does not mean your condoning the other persons actions. It is a way to close a door.  It makes you the better person.  I know I have hurt no one and when it is my time I will go out from this earth very proud of who I am!

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Crying is the souls proof your heart is amazing

I am very intuitive and feel I have somewhat of a sixth sense. Often I connect to others like myself. In the event I feel that the connection is choppy and some people need me in their lives for healing or guidance I believe God puts me there for a reason.  Could it be I have helped these men? I know I have in many ways. I have always had that kind of helping personality, but it has become more prevalent as time moves on.  So here I am placed to share my great healing message to all of you suffering from being hurt and carrying these powerful emotions of resentment.  I know it’s not easy, but hang in there time will heal most.  Very importantly I want you to express yourself  in full, love yourself, gain strength and confidence.  Talk about your feelings to friends.  Know that it ‘s ok to be hurt. It shows your a loving person. Love yourself for it!  Let your wounds turn to proud scars.  Embrace that your stronger for what you have went through. Take everything as a learning experience.

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Praying and giving all my stress to the lord. Asking to help me forgive the ones who have really hurt me deeply. Keep my heart so loving, how it was ultimately made

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God has given me wonderful friends that help me smile everyday and amazing things happen like seeing shooting stars together:)

When we forgive we can alleviate our resentment. It can be very unhealthy to hold in resentment. It may turn to anger, negativity and you could change how you look at life.  I know the effects of resentment impacted my attitude. I had become very reserved and that’s not me. It can also affect your sleep patterns also which we all know is not healthy at all.   I am not saying that you must let go and forgive someone who hurts you as soon as it happens. There are stages of emotions you will need to allow yourself to process. You let emotions of hurt, anger,  and sadness all pass.  Its natural. Then with some passing time you must turn it to God and let it off your chest.   Or it will interrupt your life.. you won’t smile every day like you want.   Let no one take your smile! Love is the very reason we are all here.  Nothing or No one shall take that from your soul. 🙂  Love and you will be loved…

If anyone of you need me I will be here for you to express yourself… Help you to process your emotional stages and gain the strength to let go.  Feel free to comment.


– R

Better Dating Tips!

Lets have some fun.. I am here to help the people who have troubles with dates or in general making friends.  Or well I am here to just flat-out amuse some of This definitely will not be the first I write of this topic regardless  if I am in a relationship or not I will always try to give advise on love and relationships as I always have done for people my whole life. Many of you know I am an extremely goofy woman so do not take anything too serious I say, but take most of it into consideration.

Where on earth did class and morals go?  It’s beyond my comprehension how they are deteriorating. I am praying dear lord we get them back. Parents take more time with your children, teach and bond with them more. Teachers please try to fill the void when neglectful parents are uninvolved.

Being single I have tried to date, but find that I would rather just go out with my friends and meet people for many reasons.  One major reason is because I am pretty selective.  I’m not into the speed dating or the serial dating so they call it. lol Another reason could be that I am just not into meeting up with guys and feeling like I am under pressure. Many times these dates feel like job interviews . Blah ..soo exhausting,. Who wants that? I am sure some of you can relate.

So here goes my dating advise for now.  Let me touch on a word I think has been forgotten ..Courtship!!! Do you guys remember what that is? I feel like it has drifted away for some reason…ahem .. Internet dating, insecurities and lack of concern for others all are attributing factors for the dissipation of courtship. Some guys seriously need to practice the P’s  and Q’s of life .   Fellas and yes ladies you to pay attention! First of all guys do not expect a woman of with good morals and character to come to you first date. Guys make a plan, be a man and stick to it ! Simple. Can you take charge, plan something and don’t ask the female to come to your house. It it extremely tacky.

And as we continue on, the advise gets better for the  actual date day.  Hygiene is sooo important. I can not stress enough. Just in general everyday living. Please be clean, smell nice, have nicely groomed hair and NO DIRTY NAILS!! If you don’t own a toothbrush please go invest asap. Yellow teeth are very disgusting and your breath is going to be even worse! If you have a mullet please, please, please, please hire a friendly hairdresser. The neighborhood barber will do quite fine I am sure. NO mullets or patchy fuzz on your face.  The patchy hair looks messy and it doesn’t feel nice either! Trim your nails and I certainly do not wanna see dirty nails. Go get some good hand cleaner cause its a deal breaker for sure.  Makes you wonder where those finger have been. ewwww.. And I am not really sure why people wear fanny packs! I didn’t even know they still make them.. Way out of style and no longer in this decade of fashion so lets toss them.

I know most guys want a female to look all pretty so guys try equally and put forth some effort. NO tighty tight shirts, no buttons down with extra curly chest hair coming out. Looks like a bush ready to attack .  Like Donald trumps head. lol. Manscape guys really.. its gross.. If you insist on unbuttoning a few buttons if your fancy enough not to wear the tightly homo tank please shave your chest! It’s not 1979 . You are not John Travolta and they make good quality razors for this now! I shave 5 body parts and wax, thread and tweeze my face. So again let’s try to be sexy back!

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Nope . Not gonna happen!!

I touched a bunch on how you should and should not look. Now I will tell you guys some general rules. Please do not by any means think it is ok to get crazy drunk the first date. It conveys lack of self-control. It does not make a good first impression and could implicate you have a drinking problem. Do not try to get your date drunk either. Do not push drinks on top of her left and right. It’s a very uncomfortable feeling. I also get the impression you are expecting something. Having sex right away should not be what you want when you first meet someone. Have some pride and self-respect. You don’t know who you’re dealing with, where they have been and it’s just plan better when you are comfortable . Me personally,  here is a crazy SECRET I will tell you all if your still reading… wait for it, wait for it.. I DO NOT HAVE CASUAL SEX!! yep I said it!!  I think many people do, so I guess I am rare. I am not saying do or don’t . I am just saying I think you should not  be so quick to before you know the person  a bit. Me personally, I do not prefer it, nor like it, and I do not want that in my life right now.  I am praying for something wonderful to find his way to me.. Anyways back to the advise.. No pushing shots. Yuck A good woman will be turned off by this. Huge guys, HUGE,…. Do not get sloppy and try to grope on her. It is disgusting . Instantly I am wanting to leave . Are you that desperate that you have to man handle a woman. Go home and take a cold shower Jeez. No touching. Unless your date is giving you that vibe which at that point I wouldn’t want to anyways if I were you because if she s that easy she  is not worth it.

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Getting drunk is no excuse to grope!
Hands OFF! You Don’t Want No Drama

Very importantly when your on a date be yourself! Do not laugh at everything she says, do not be controlling and DO be a good listener. Be real, be funny and make conversation. Don’t be a drag and have nothing to say. Its awkward and lord is it boring. Do not kiss her butt, have your own identity because it will all eventually come out. Do not waste time it will only cause hurt and drama later on if there is more time spent together.  A Big No No- “A cheapskate” . GROSSSSS – Live a little, have a good time and don’t stress over the money. If you can not afford to go on a date then you have no business going period.

With the divorce rate up I am worried about people and relationships .  I am so worried about love lasting in our times and keeping romance alive. Guys if the date has gone well take it slow. Do not be pushy and do NOT stalk her. Do not cling to her or be annoying. You may get the nickname “Stage 5 Clinger” so beware If your looking for love enter with caution, have patience and don’t push her away.  Invest the time with her and get to know her. Most likely if she wants you to invest more time she is worth every bit of the time and her heart will be special.  Communication is key to any healthy long lasting relationship. A woman that knows what she wants wont play games and neither should a man. Mature hearts will grow in love and the benefits of these feelings will be breath-taking..

– R

What Do Woman Really Want?

Recently I have especially been asked to answer this question “What do Woman Really Want?”  Love, Love , Love that I was approached with this question and topic to touch on!  I think its cute and I’m flattered.   Marcello Graziani was the one to bring up the subject and Tyler Dowiak asked me to answer.  Before I answer what woman want I am going to touch on what they certainly do NOT want. It is a complete MISNOMER that we like games and a guy that’s a complete DICKHEAD! By NO means do we want a jerk!! You guys are really ridiculous  to believe that and you truly will live a life without real love. Why in the hell would you not treat a woman with respect? Please don’t listen to foolish guys who obviously are confused.  A real man does not play games,  he values his woman. What happens is that you hear too many sad pathetic stories of how a relationship got comfortable and things started to get abusive. Most likely the woman stay with hopes that their boy changes back to who they thought he was. No woman likes to be abused.  Let me repeat that once more for all you fellas.. NO WOMAN WANTS TO BE ABUSED!! I am involved with many people trying to help them through their abuse and hard times.  It is a very sad thing when this happens and I can say I have been through it myself . Cowards abuse not real men. Don’t ever lower yourself into this category.

Now if your just starting a relationship please fellas do not be cheesy and ask her for phone pictures. And for the love of God do not take self in the mirror pics and send them to her. Its ok if your already in a relationship, but not if your just getting to know her. Its distasteful, shows lack of respect and class. I know if you’re doing that with one girl you’re doing that with others… So why should I feel special? I refuse to be a part of a guys immature show off photo gallery. Ladies I can tell you first hand that guys pass your pictures around. I have seen my roommates and neighbors do it with their guy friends.  Cracks me up when guys send me pics of just their body, including  their stomach or chest and cut off their heads. LOL I don’t get it!  Is that a sexual thing? I think the face and the eyes are so important. The eyes are the gateway to someones heart and soul. And I would prefer to see your smile . And please have all your teeth. And if they are yellow stop smoking and get some whitener. LOL

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What NOT to do!!

Now that I touched on what we do not want I will tell you what we desire.  Men can you handle the real answer? Do you really wanna know What Woman Really Want? Or do you just want another excuse to stray away from giving it to us? Do you just wanna gripe and say you don’t understand us while you retreat.  Do not be a pussy! While I can not speak for every single woman on this planet I can say the majority of us want a VULNERABLE MAN ready to lay down his heart for love. There it is fellas . I said it. Are you willing to show your vulnerability for a woman? I think that if you really want to win her heart and the feelings are there inside it will come natural .  You will want to be with her,  spend quality time with her, shower her with attention and make her feel like she is the most special woman in all of the world.  Put her first before anything else and make her feel that she is your greatest friend. A man, a man  who can so deeply stare into your eyes and not stop, hold you so tight that you will never want him to let go. Share your deepest feelings with her as you open your heart.   If you feel you have found that one wonderful love that you connect with then you Fight for her and go out of your way to show her you care.  Show your character and integrity. No matter what happens she will always have those memories in her mind!  The memories, good and bad so make them amazing.

I think in today’s society the internet, social media, and online dating is causing people to lose their drive to be patient and put effort in one solid relationship. The accessibility to move on to another makes it all to easy so people just bounce around. They think the grass will be greener and in most cases it truly is not. Guys if she means something to you prove it.  And sometimes having patience is the greatest reward . An easy woman undoubtedly will not be a treasure.

Of course being able to provide for your woman is an added bonus.  I am not talking about a sugar daddy guys! Do not twist what I am saying.  Make a woman feel as though you can give shelter, food, support and the worry free notion of becoming a full-time mother.   Providing doesn’t necessarily mean monetary items, but also very importantly encouragement to make her a better woman.  When the woman feels cared for,  love is given and she feels secure, she should indefinitely return those feelings to her man. It is of a womans nature, her maternal instinct to love and provide so that will come out for you, but we so desire that to come first from you so we can fill our role.

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So many of you that know me are aware of my relationship history, but for those getting to know me welcome to my journey of life, love and fitness. As I progress on this blog I will touch on my relationship stories and dating.  Most of you will be entertained to say the least. Been married and the relationship lasted 15 years! Yup people 15 years ..  I was very loyal, but was ripped apart by him.  I reluctantly found myself in a relationship about a year after my marriage and unfortunately he ended up hurting me tremendously me as well.   I am hoping Mr. Vulnerable can surely show me what a real man is about.  So NOW I must be super selective in my choices.  I know my worth.  I have so much love to give in my life , I give it to my friends and peers, imagine when my Vulnerable man comes forth. I will give him more love than he can handle.

Love and Peace

– R